11/6

prompt 2:  A picture is worth more than a blank page.  Take out those dusty photo albums.  Pick out photo #14.  Count however way you like, but make sure you stop at photo #14.  Look at the photo for 2-3 minutes.  Then for ten minutes, write all the feelings that photograph made you feel.  Don’t censor yourself.  Just write.

Elijah and Charlie

 

This picture is of my youngest son Elijah and my sister molly’s dog, Charlie. It was taken two years ago. I remember this day. We were living is a small crappy trailer and Molly was living on Haver Drive…in a nice house. We went over there to spend the day, just to get out. Marshall, molly’s husband, was throwing a plastic water bottle around so Charlie could catch it and bring it back. It was a fun day.

It brings back memories of living in that dingy trailer. I couldn’t wait to get out of it. I hated living there. I felt like I was scummy for being there. We do live in a house now…a rented one, but it is bigger than that trailer.

I remember too that I wanted Charlie. He was such a good dog. Smart. Friendly. But oh so full of energy, so Molly made him stay outside. She gave that dog to a neighbor when they moved. It died, but I am not sure why or how.

Elijah was two then, still in diapers. I sometimes can not believe how much time has gone by in such a short amount of time. Arabelle and Gavin were there that day, just not in this photo. Arabelle was so upset because she didn’t have a bike to ride. And I was upset because I didn’t have the money to buy her one. I hate never having money to get the things I think my kids should have.

When I lived in the trailer I often thought how much better my kids lives would be if I could die, then they would at least have the insurance money. Isn’t that a horrible thing to think? But I did, all the time.

It was around this time too that I was talking to some guy that I met online, but things didn’t work out there. Must have been divine intervention.

I still have two minutes to write, and I am starting to get off subject. The photo. Elijah waiting for Charlie to bring back that stupid plastic bottle. It was a fun day, one that brings happy memories, but also sad ones because of where I was then. I’m still not much better, at least some days it feels like that. I work now, and I live in a house….but it is not my own. Me and the kids have a “One of these days” bank. We collect all our change for the day we have our own house and all the things we’ll need to buy to make it look nice. I don’t know why the picture made me think of that…

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